The Tracks of My Tears

I'm just being really emotional today. Between the physical pain of removing my wisdom teeth to the emotional pain of a boyfriend that I can't get over, I really just want to cry. I think crying myself to sleep is going to be the best way to go. In a way crying is a little haunting, but it sometimes comforts me. I've wanted to cry at school (actually, I've done that) so never mind. Sometimes I question my actions and wonder if they could even be justified now. Probably not. Jesus, you know when you mess up...and you KNOW you dun messed up? (lol at the "dun") I don't know. I just never thought that my ex would move on that fast. It breaks my heart because he was truly that one person that kind understood me. Oh and not to mention my mother LOVES him. I vividly remember after algebra last year we'd walk to our lockers because we were literally 10 lockers away from each other and we'd sit at his locker, and awkwardly stare into space because we didn't know what to talk about. I guess that silence was okay; we were okay to be with each other in complete silence (well, that's how I felt). He'd hold my hand and we'd sit on the ground and wait for everyone to leave their lockers so we could be alone. That aloneness was only for all of 5 minutes. Best five minutes of my day in the 10th grade. Then we'd have to leave. He had baseball, I had theatre. He kissed my cheek so tenderly, like almost as if he didn't want to hurt my face. I kissed his cheek the same way. I personally think we were scared :) kiss, hug, hold hands, part. the routine...everyday, and it was great. I didn't think I would be taking that for granted, you know? Something so small, so simple, yet it could leave the biggest print on my heart. Now I stand here questioning why I broke up with him, and why I can't get him back.

Outside I'm masquerading
Inside my hope is fading
Just a clown oh yeah
Since you put me down
My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up with you..
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears
-Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

p.s. happy 11 months to the two people who keep holding on
John & Alix
<3