I LOVE MY HAIR. SWEAR TO GOD.
It's so shiny and pretty. Ah, I love it.
It's heaven.
ken.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Lugubrious
Let me first start off by saying…
"This is NOT happening again."
It's like some higher power doesn't want me to be happy, I swear it.
The worse thing is…it feels like my fault…again.
But the funny thing is…I never date any of these guys.
I can never find this happy medium. It's always one thing is good…and one thing is bad.
It can never be equally lovely.
All I want now, is some peace, quiet, tea, and my bed.
Because all of this is making me lugubrious.
"This is NOT happening again."
It's like some higher power doesn't want me to be happy, I swear it.
The worse thing is…it feels like my fault…again.
But the funny thing is…I never date any of these guys.
I can never find this happy medium. It's always one thing is good…and one thing is bad.
It can never be equally lovely.
All I want now, is some peace, quiet, tea, and my bed.
Because all of this is making me lugubrious.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
today was...
Misty
and not that pretty mist that gently frolics upon your cheeks, but that mist that makes you feel sweaty. It was dark today. Nothing had life…no energy lived through each human body I encountered today. It was tragic. I have never seen such a dreary place like my school today. Ever. I hate these days.
On Life
My life lately has been this whirlwind of mass emotions. I don't feel like myself with these ups and downs. I practically yelled at my mother because she touched my hair. See, the little things are pissing me off lately. I don't like it. Somedays I'm excited to wake up and enjoy the day, but today, I just wanted sleep in with my pillows. Spring isn't starting off too well. My allergies are getting in the way, and it's never a good day when I lose my singing voice. I feel rather disconnected to my being without my voice. As for my speaking voice, forget it. I sound like a man…which brings my confidence level down x4000.
On Love
I met a guy recently. I have to say we're pretty much the same person. Like, if there were a boy version of me, he would be it. I spent some time talking to him over facebook chat (what a great way to communicate:sarcasm) and he's an awesome guy…too bad he's in a "relationship" I really don't know what that means, his idea of it at least. I don't know where I'd like to take this friendship, but I hope it goes somewhere and soon. Another guy, whose name shall not be revealed, was in my dream last night. In my head it was beautiful. He was my Finn and I was his Rachel. It wasn't anything sexual. You know when you envision a guy looking at you and his eyes are so intently set upon your face? Yeah, it was like that all night long. I didn't need him to say anything in my dream, but when I woke up I realized that it wasn't real…which is a shame. At school, I guess he's known for being an ass, but maybe I'm blinded by my perception of him that I don't see the real thing. Maybe I'm right…and their wrong.
On Sexuality
More and more each day, I'm finding out that mother dearest is always right. She told me verbatim, "Kendall, I'd like you to keep your promise to not have sex until, but I don't think that will happen." I wondered to myself if she thought I was a whore…or something to that extent. Nonetheless, she's right. As much as I'd like to hold onto this precious gift that I have it seems nearly impossible because everywhere I go, I see a boy and I automatically undress them in my mind. Crude? No. Curious. Absolutely. I'm not caught up in that "Notebook" sex, nor in that "Kim Kardashian sex tape" sex, but I would like to experience something. I don't know. I guess being intimate with someone scares me. I yearn for skin to skin contact (not the hand holding contact) but the real thing. The idea of being half naked with someone else creeps me out, yet it excites me. Is it so bad to say that I'd like for some guy's hands (that I like) caressing my back to the nape of my neck? No? It makes me laugh because I know most guys my age really just want to "get it in" but maybe I want to "get it in" Girls my age act like they don't want it…but they do because I want it too. awkward
Now If I could just get back to homework...
and not that pretty mist that gently frolics upon your cheeks, but that mist that makes you feel sweaty. It was dark today. Nothing had life…no energy lived through each human body I encountered today. It was tragic. I have never seen such a dreary place like my school today. Ever. I hate these days.
On Life
My life lately has been this whirlwind of mass emotions. I don't feel like myself with these ups and downs. I practically yelled at my mother because she touched my hair. See, the little things are pissing me off lately. I don't like it. Somedays I'm excited to wake up and enjoy the day, but today, I just wanted sleep in with my pillows. Spring isn't starting off too well. My allergies are getting in the way, and it's never a good day when I lose my singing voice. I feel rather disconnected to my being without my voice. As for my speaking voice, forget it. I sound like a man…which brings my confidence level down x4000.
On Love
I met a guy recently. I have to say we're pretty much the same person. Like, if there were a boy version of me, he would be it. I spent some time talking to him over facebook chat (what a great way to communicate:sarcasm) and he's an awesome guy…too bad he's in a "relationship" I really don't know what that means, his idea of it at least. I don't know where I'd like to take this friendship, but I hope it goes somewhere and soon. Another guy, whose name shall not be revealed, was in my dream last night. In my head it was beautiful. He was my Finn and I was his Rachel. It wasn't anything sexual. You know when you envision a guy looking at you and his eyes are so intently set upon your face? Yeah, it was like that all night long. I didn't need him to say anything in my dream, but when I woke up I realized that it wasn't real…which is a shame. At school, I guess he's known for being an ass, but maybe I'm blinded by my perception of him that I don't see the real thing. Maybe I'm right…and their wrong.
On Sexuality
More and more each day, I'm finding out that mother dearest is always right. She told me verbatim, "Kendall, I'd like you to keep your promise to not have sex until, but I don't think that will happen." I wondered to myself if she thought I was a whore…or something to that extent. Nonetheless, she's right. As much as I'd like to hold onto this precious gift that I have it seems nearly impossible because everywhere I go, I see a boy and I automatically undress them in my mind. Crude? No. Curious. Absolutely. I'm not caught up in that "Notebook" sex, nor in that "Kim Kardashian sex tape" sex, but I would like to experience something. I don't know. I guess being intimate with someone scares me. I yearn for skin to skin contact (not the hand holding contact) but the real thing. The idea of being half naked with someone else creeps me out, yet it excites me. Is it so bad to say that I'd like for some guy's hands (that I like) caressing my back to the nape of my neck? No? It makes me laugh because I know most guys my age really just want to "get it in" but maybe I want to "get it in" Girls my age act like they don't want it…but they do because I want it too. awkward
Now If I could just get back to homework...
Saturday, March 5, 2011
What's It Like?
What's it like to kiss someone three times only to have them ignore you?
What's it like to fall for your ex all over again?
What's it like to put on makeup everyday knowing that he won't look at you?
What's it like to feel something for an underclassmen but scared because you're older?
What's it like to feel like you're the glue that holds your family together?
What's it like to try your hardest in school but make average grades?
What's it like to feel that no guy on this planet would ever like you?
Welcome to the Girl World.
Enjoy.
What's it like to fall for your ex all over again?
What's it like to put on makeup everyday knowing that he won't look at you?
What's it like to feel something for an underclassmen but scared because you're older?
What's it like to feel like you're the glue that holds your family together?
What's it like to try your hardest in school but make average grades?
What's it like to feel that no guy on this planet would ever like you?
Welcome to the Girl World.
Enjoy.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Apology
I am so sorry that I have not had the time to blog. Junior year is really kicking my butt now. I'm so tired and exhausted from rehearsal that I can barely move. I basically run to my bed...and stay there! So I apologize for not being as active as I'd like. Spring Break is tomorrow so that's really good. Off to New York for college touring. Excited? not really. LOL. I may sound a little pessimistic, but you'll have to forgive me.
thanks!
kendall
thanks!
kendall
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The Tracks of My Tears
I'm just being really emotional today. Between the physical pain of removing my wisdom teeth to the emotional pain of a boyfriend that I can't get over, I really just want to cry. I think crying myself to sleep is going to be the best way to go. In a way crying is a little haunting, but it sometimes comforts me. I've wanted to cry at school (actually, I've done that) so never mind. Sometimes I question my actions and wonder if they could even be justified now. Probably not. Jesus, you know when you mess up...and you KNOW you dun messed up? (lol at the "dun") I don't know. I just never thought that my ex would move on that fast. It breaks my heart because he was truly that one person that kind understood me. Oh and not to mention my mother LOVES him. I vividly remember after algebra last year we'd walk to our lockers because we were literally 10 lockers away from each other and we'd sit at his locker, and awkwardly stare into space because we didn't know what to talk about. I guess that silence was okay; we were okay to be with each other in complete silence (well, that's how I felt). He'd hold my hand and we'd sit on the ground and wait for everyone to leave their lockers so we could be alone. That aloneness was only for all of 5 minutes. Best five minutes of my day in the 10th grade. Then we'd have to leave. He had baseball, I had theatre. He kissed my cheek so tenderly, like almost as if he didn't want to hurt my face. I kissed his cheek the same way. I personally think we were scared :) kiss, hug, hold hands, part. the routine...everyday, and it was great. I didn't think I would be taking that for granted, you know? Something so small, so simple, yet it could leave the biggest print on my heart. Now I stand here questioning why I broke up with him, and why I can't get him back.
Outside I'm masquerading
Inside my hope is fading
Just a clown oh yeah
Since you put me down
My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up with you..
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears
-Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
p.s. happy 11 months to the two people who keep holding on
John & Alix
<3
Outside I'm masquerading
Inside my hope is fading
Just a clown oh yeah
Since you put me down
My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up with you..
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears
-Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
p.s. happy 11 months to the two people who keep holding on
John & Alix
<3
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